Sometimes I cry...
not because I don't feel blessed, I know that we have so much to be grateful for. Please don't take this as me being unsatisfied for all I have. I know that I have nothing to complain about. I am not trying to complain in any way. More so to express why I may seem off lately....to put it mildly.
I have seen much despair, poverty and unfortunate circumstances to understand the magnitude of that which Kris and I have been blessed with. I truly know that we have more than most in this world.
Over the past several weeks as I look at my friends and families blogs I can't help the tears sometimes. All of your beautiful little families, adorable children and sweet little moments on camera I can't help but have an ache for our own "Little Wiseman" moments. It is difficult sometimes to deal with the thoughts of wondering if we will ever have our own little family. Although Kris loves to talk of moving to Panama and taking advantage of the freedom. :)
I never want to push my friends away. Nor, for those we associate with to feel uncomfortable to the point they don't want to speak of their own families. Sometimes it hurts to much, I have secluded myself....my way of coping.
I don't let my emotions take over very often, I'm pretty good at keeping them in.....but when it squeezes out, I really can't believe how deep the sadness runs.
I know I have not been myself these days, so sick and such a hermit! I am less social with my friends who have families, avoid blogs where friends and family mention their adorable kids...(of whom I truly love myself and I hope you all know that.) I don't like that I have been doing it but somehow it just happens. I can't take that hurting I get in my heart.
Kris and I have been though things I wish we didn't have to go through but I know we are growing closer because of it. Kris is my best friend and I can't begin to express how much I love him. During these months when I have been so sick, he is always there to get whatever I need. He holds me and is such a comfort. When we are blessed with a family of our own it will just mean that much more because we have had to wait and work so hard for it. We are a great team.
Today I just felt the need to let others know. I have been very reclusive lately and I hope none of our dear friends have taken it personally. When I am not feeling well the only cure to that has been to cuddle up to my Mr. Kris in my favorite blanket and do a whole lot of Dr. Mario or...... hang out with my little niece Maley Moo! How can you be sad when you are hanging out with her?
18 comments:
Oh Miranda how I love you! You are such a strong person, and have some of the characteristics I would long for. I have had many friends struggle and yearn for a family the way you and Kris have. None of those feelings you have are selfish. And no one should have to go through something like this. You astound me with your beautiful outlook on life, and the service you choose to render with your time. I will keep you in my prayers this week. In fact I think that we should go out to lunch or dinner sometime soon!! We hope the best for you and Kris. And since you like to hang with your niece so much, you are welcome to take Luke anytime ;) Much love!
Miranda - nobody thinks you take for granted what you have. In fact just last month your name came up in a conversation about how you inspire us and we wish we could do all that you do!
I am so sorry, so very sorry that your dreams of a family have not come to pass yet. My heart hurts for you and tears fill my eyes. Know you are in our prayers. You are a beautiful, loving, ...forgiving (for when I backed into you on your bike...) woman and many people, including myself, look up to you in many ways.
Its a hard thing to understand sometimes why we can't have things when we want them....or when you are understanding it...to endure it without a sense of pain. Isn't it a noble and good request you ask of Him? I've felt that pain of wanting something so eternal but not being able to have it....yet. It does pass....as I'm sure it will for you
You are with the perfect man to help you through any struggles. For that, you are amazingly blessed.
I love you guys.....
Miranda- Thanks for sharing these feelings. I really respect your honesty. You are such a great person. I was talking about you the other day, asking about how you got involved in the African service you do. And i talked about how awesome that is. And i was not so secretly wishing i had done more things like you are doing with my time before i became a mom. your honesty helps me appreciate my blessings. And, well, you are just such a great person...i wish ALL the happiness for you. xoxo
I just wanted to let you know how much I look up to you and admire you. How I still do. I was just telling my husband last night how you are one of the sweetest/sincerest/greatest people I know. You are an amazing person, and from what I can tell, have an amazing husband who carries all of those same qualities/attributes. I hope you know that you are loved. You have made a difference in SO many people's lives (including my own), and you continue to do so. You are such a great example to us all!
I know words cant make the hurt go away, but I want you to know I am praying for you and Kris. It is so hard to understand why we have to go through the trials we do, hang in there MiRanda!! When the time is right you will be an amazing Mother to some very lucky kids! Until then, love that beautiful niece of yours and continue to be an amazing Aunt!! Love you!
hi sweet MiRanda! All of your dear friends have said what I think and feel about you and your Mr. Kris. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you! I love that you are able to see a need, and you are their to fulfill it. Example: you going to meet Taylor in the NICU. I didn't know that I needed a good friend to give me a hug at that time, but after you guys left, I was so grateful for you seeing my need, and taking care of it for me! Thank you for that!
You are an amazing lady! I have been blessed since we met......heads down stay down repeated 3 times. Ugh!
I am thinking about you guys!
You are strong and you both will come out on top! I promise!
I have three words for you my love:
Pa Na Ma!
The freedom, air and lack of responsibility will make us fertile myrtle!
Great... now you have me crying with you. You and Kris are going to be such amazing parents, I'm just so sorry you have to go through this in the meantime. I really hope that you don't have to wait much longer.
(Kris does have a brilliant plan... panama or bust!)
MiRanda!!! I love you! You are a great example to me and I think of you often. You are in my prayers.
Miranda
I HAVE BEEN THERE!! Please call me if you want to talk. It is such a struggle...do we keep trying...do we adopt...It at times feels like you are all alone. It always helps to talk about it or blog about it. I would love to share some of what I went through...maybe it will help. Stay strong. Love your husband and your special time with him.
I am totally crying right now. I know that we as women feel the need to be mother's and how come of us don't get that chance in this life. Miranda, I know that you will. Just be patient and you will blessed with everything that is in your heart. Heavenly Father knows us and our needs. He will see that you are given those things. I truly believe that. You and Kris are good people and it just may not be the time right now. But it will happen. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. LOVE!
I sure love you MiRanda! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings...you are continually in my prayers. Thank you for being such a great friend and example. You are the best!
I don't have any beautiful inspiring words like all these sweet friends, i just want to give you a great big snuggle/hug! I LOVE YOU!
I haven't blogged or read blogs in forever so I'm a little late in saying this but...
I want you to know that I think about you and Kris all the time, ask Shawn, its true. I pray for you guys often. I don't pretend to understand Heavenly Father's plan for each of us but I know he has one. There are no two people better suited for parenthood than you guys, that's just a fact. You two amaze me with your love for all children and your ability to connect with them. I pray for you, I hope for you and I even occasionally wish for you when an eyelash falls out! I say cry if you need to cry, be a hermit if you need to be a hermit and certainly play Dr. Mario!! I had no idea we were kindred in that way. Do you play Wii Dr. Mario online? Its awesome, we should do it together sometime.
Miranda... For what it's worth I'm sorry that you've been going through so much. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
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