Today I have a very full heart.
As I hold Zellie,
I am completely in love with her,
she is the greatest gift.
In the beginning of this adoption journey,
I was very angry when Kris had the adoption application sent to our home.
I felt like it was the ultimate act of "GIVING UP" in having our own child.
I didn't want anything to do with those adoption papers.
In fact,
I HATED THOSE PAPERS...
Kris would silently fill a page out
here and there
as I tried to act like I didn't know what he was doing.
In the back of my mind I told myself I would never touch them.
When we met with the Bishop
(-because the agency contacts him when you have requested an application)
I told him how angry I was a God for not allowing us to have our own family.
I was so hurt,
I felt like my best friend,
My Heavenly Father,
had let me down...
Kris and I truly felt we had done all we could to physically
and spiritually prepare our home to be the perfect place for a little "Wiseman"
yet,
We were still a family of two.
I didn't want someone else's child,
I wanted MY child.
I didn't understand adoption then.
I was so clueless as to the blessings that it would bring.
The experience we were able to have,
the new understanding of LOVE
we have...
Now,
As Zellie has came into our lives through adoption,
I feel ever so strongly she has always been MINE.
She was supposed to be in our family.
I have no doubts.
I am her Mom.
(I love that I am her Mom! I love every moment of it)
I think my journey to get her in my arms was a very rough and difficult journey.
The rough and difficult of it is what makes this all the more sweeter.
It has made me better
in more ways than I can every say.
It makes me love every moment when I get to hold her.
I enjoy waking up at all hours to feed her and have that quiet alone time,
Even if she is fussy I can't help but want to eat her up
because my life is
1,000,000 x more incredible because she is in it.
As I hold Zellie,
I am completely in love with her,
she is the greatest gift.
In the beginning of this adoption journey,
I was very angry when Kris had the adoption application sent to our home.
I felt like it was the ultimate act of "GIVING UP" in having our own child.
I didn't want anything to do with those adoption papers.
In fact,
I HATED THOSE PAPERS...
Kris would silently fill a page out
here and there
as I tried to act like I didn't know what he was doing.
In the back of my mind I told myself I would never touch them.
When we met with the Bishop
(-because the agency contacts him when you have requested an application)
I told him how angry I was a God for not allowing us to have our own family.
I was so hurt,
I felt like my best friend,
My Heavenly Father,
had let me down...
Kris and I truly felt we had done all we could to physically
and spiritually prepare our home to be the perfect place for a little "Wiseman"
yet,
We were still a family of two.
I didn't want someone else's child,
I wanted MY child.
I didn't understand adoption then.
I was so clueless as to the blessings that it would bring.
The experience we were able to have,
the new understanding of LOVE
we have...
Now,
As Zellie has came into our lives through adoption,
I feel ever so strongly she has always been MINE.
She was supposed to be in our family.
I have no doubts.
I am her Mom.
(I love that I am her Mom! I love every moment of it)
I think my journey to get her in my arms was a very rough and difficult journey.
The rough and difficult of it is what makes this all the more sweeter.
It has made me better
in more ways than I can every say.
It makes me love every moment when I get to hold her.
I enjoy waking up at all hours to feed her and have that quiet alone time,
Even if she is fussy I can't help but want to eat her up
because my life is
1,000,000 x more incredible because she is in it.
6 comments:
just beautiful! xoxo
She is yours and you are hers. And you are perfect together. Love you.
I have no doubts that she is yours too....and oddly enough, I could feel it the first time I contacted Kris to tell you your profile was down...... it was such a feeling of peace and love in a time of your hurt and chaos. I wanted to tell you both.....she's coming, keep your chin up.... Just wait. But it wasn't mine to tell. Those months following I honestly never doubted that they would pick you two even though they had a handful of others to consider and were having a hard time knowing if they could. I kept telling myself that I didn't need to worry about where that baby went, she would end up exactly where she was intended to be....and look, she surely did.
What a grand day in the temple you will have soon. =)
Oh MiRanda, I can only imagine. Adoption is such a wonderful blessing! You are an outstanding Mom, little Zellie just had to bless more lives, and this was the only way she could do it! Love you!
You are an amazingly strong lady miss MiRanda! I admire your strength in all of the trials that you had to face in getting her to you! I continue to be so happy for the 3 of you!
You are so amazing, and what a beautiful girl you have. I miss you, and I am glad that you let us be part of your joy this way. I feel blessed just hearing you express your tender feelings.
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